This is me... and this is who I am!

This looks all to familiar, xanga has a new name! :)

I'm Nicole, almost 22yrs old and I grew up in Newton. I work with wonderful children (14 two year olds) and have a boyfriend of 4 years! He is my everything.

Its funny how life works sometimes. The person that you could fall in love with really could just be the random person on the street. As in the song by Reba MacEntire "Somebody in the next car, somebody on the morning train, somebody in the coffee shop that you walk right by everyday. Somebody that you look at. but never really see. Somebody out there.... is somebody!" Im in love... and I know that it will be a long term love. Whatever it takes we will make it work. Im excited to announce-for anyone that hasn't already found out- Brett and I are moving in together. Now I know that this to some people may not be the best thing, but something inside me feels otherwise. I know that it is againt God's will but I am apt to stay pure (well.... re-purified). It is sometimes hard to trust God when your experience seems to say otherwise, but let me leave you with these wise words from Proverbs:

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)

*God, just please help me through the hard times, and let us glorify you all times!*

Marriage is sacred to me, and always will be. Even though Brett and I are not married....YET. We have had conversations and prayed together over this decision (moving in). It's just I have been alone for so long that my heart is aching for the love and comfort of my one true love to be near me. Through alot of our relationship either I have left for school or Brett has been at school, leaving only the weekends for us to be together. Every night when I would go to bed I would just pray that God would ease me breaking heart of loneliness.

*When life gives you lemons.... you've got to make lemonade*

This phrase has become all too familiar in my life so far. Studies show that eight times out of ten, the middle child is forgotten if there are more than three children in the family; and right now I feel like the forbidden child. It seems that in everything I do in life, I am forgotten or pushed to the side. Im a very outgoing person-but lately I have really felt close to myself, and im not really for sure why. Sometimes I feel that I work so hard, only to get "thanks". Everything I do, I do for God, and I know that someday God will celebrate everything that I do for others in a remarkable way! Sometimes, people can be very selfish and take others for granted. Which is another feeling that is attacking me at this moment. I just wish that people would take into account for others feelings and learn to be accountable for their own actions. Everything is not about you, and everything is not about me. I know that others have certain obligations, but actions speak louder than words- and sometimes they hurt others feelings. That's all I am going to "talk" about... im beginning to cry. Im not trying to cause drama, this is just a place (since I can type faster than I can write-stinkin journal!)that I feel I can express myself.

I want to introduce you to Jim Horning. Jim is the Youth Pastor at Grace Community Church here in Newton. Jim just came back from taking a 6 week sabatical to his home in Ohio and to Africa. I talked with Jim this morning and looked at some pictures with him. Jim among many others, I consider my heros. Jim is the type of Christian that I dream to be. While I was talking with Jim, I just saw Christ's love raidiating out of him, and he was speaking to me. From this moment on I am on a search of a mission trip that will speak to me; weither it be a trip back to Reynosa Mexico or somewhere else in the world. Please pray that God will answer my prayer and help me light my path to missonary.

One way that I do feel God woking in my life is a drama called Judgement House. It is an eight scene walk-through drama that tells a story about choices, both good and bad. It is so inspiring to me watching how "ordinary" people are transformed from the time that they enter to the time that they come out. People who have never heard the story of Jesus Christ come in not knowing what they are about to expect. My dad played a critical role in last years, by playing an alcoholic father who hits his daughter, unemployed and is verbally abusive. Now I know that some of these do not apply to my life but some of them did. Everyone, even the people that volunteer their time get something out of doing this; my dad sincerely apologized to me after Judgement House last year for all the things that he did to me and my mom. Although I deep down haven't found it in my heart to fully forgive my dad, but who really can? I mean he really hurt me deaply, but he did teach me the values that I now carry with me about marriage! I know that someday I will, but I think that when he starts treating me like a daughter and not just an invador of his home something will click and it will be clear to me his true feelings.

I invite all to come and worship at this years Judgement House at Grace Community Church! October 23rd-26th and October 31st-November2nd!

Please keep all those who are serving in out military in your thoughts and prayers!

Colt Pfautz- Iraq -ArmyCasey Kientz-Iraq-Marines

Well.... lets see how long I remember to update this thing! :) Sometimes, life just gets ahold of me and a computer seems to be the last things I remember to look at!

I will leave you with this final thought from Isaiah:

But your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, and your sins have hidden his face from you so that he does not hear. Isaiah 59:2

*No bridge reaches God . . . except one.*